a remark on this essay I appreciated, made in the Describing Symphonies comments:
"I’ll also add that your article on relationships—“Comfort”—is prob the most substantive yet succinct primer for describing the seasons of love (and in it I think you move through the four types of love according to Aristotle (and since you don’t read philosophers, that’s rather interesting and impressive coincidence). I just read it and it fully resonated with my life and then immediately sent it to my wife and 2 friends. I just recently found you on here but I’m really impressed so far"
Absolutely loved reading this. The precision and lucidity with which you craft each sentence is so beautiful, it makes it a pleasure to read and resonate with.
(Haha must be wild being in your brain - so many ideas flying around I bet!) oh well, no genius without a bit of fruitful madness eh :)
Anyways, appreciate this lovely essay, thank you 🙏
Only thing I’d like to add is the importance of novelty in relationships. There are studies that show that novelty in older relationships do bring that feeling of falling in love in the beginning of relationships. My intuition on why would because it exposes new patterns and novel situations that you may have never experienced with your partner inducing an increase in levels of Phenylethylamine, which is like the love drug that makes feel like your floating. One study that I read in the book The ADHD effect on marriage there were outlier couples that still felt that deep true love decades out in comparison to middling to low feeling couples and my personal opinion on that either they were lying or they were always in a constant of change and growth. I like to believe in the latter than the former. Those couples I feel are your brightest and most colorful which in my opinion is what we all should strive for.
good thoughts, those ADHD comments make sense to me. I'd imagine there'd have to be some kind of neuro-related divergence for constant change/growth to happen.
This is lovely but I hate it and think it is mostly evil. This sounds far too much like being a slave to fleeing emotions rather than a slave to a greater good that provides over your entire life and generations (religion). You mention family, children and growing old which is good but the main point I get from this piece is passion. As a dude I "feel" like 10% passion and 90% obligation and ownership. As you said in your piece passions fade into something softer and deeper as your relationship matures. But the critical part is that joining and growing (family) and being loyal to that expanding good. One thing that makes me sad is that many women in their 30s might be incapable of truly having a deep love because they missed a youthful passion that grows into true love. They think they can "find" that love but perhaps true love is only something you build after 15 years and 3 kids. Love is not something you can find, it must be built. Diads might be good at generating energy but that energy must be directed intelligently.
it's a piece about relationships, so yes passion is a critical component to a healthy one.
how you're extracting "evil" and "slave" out of this essay and descriptions of a natural romantic process underpinning relationships and connections is not something I see. the rest of the comment is good but those opening two lines are thoroughly disorienting.
"slave to your passions" is a common philosophical/religious phrase as is it being evil/sin to follow fleeting emotions versus a longer term greater good
yes and you reading "slave" out of an essay that explicitly says "passion is an important building block and has its place but can't be the whole relationship and must evolve into something deeper" is not the correct application of that phrase.
My comment directly addresses that. Are you going to argue with me that your piece was not 95% passionate emotions and only 5% something deeper beyond that? Even here you're talking about a word that makes you feel bad emotions rather than the deeper point I'm getting it. There are some people who look at are dopamine rage, addicted world and think we need to feel more emotions. Like medgold. I think we need a detox. Whatever dude. All the best
that you read this essay and saw 95% passion is telling; you are seeing exactly what you want to see. no, this essay is not 95% about passion. it's a description about the seasons of relationships. it seems like you latched on to maybe 2-3 paragraphs and decided to see the whole essay as only that.
as the guy who wrote it, that was not at all front of mind nor is passion the emphasis. it's 95% about purpose, frictions, reciprocity, devotion, conditions, caustic dynamics, man needing meaningful struggle, passion, how passion alone is insufficient, romance, endearing idiosyncrasies, responsibility, structure, soulful intimacy, familial foundations, healthy dyads, mutual expression, and the connections that underpin how we perceive the patterns of others. this is not a "do whatever your emotions tell you" message.
it's called Patterns of Comfort; if you internalize the essay you understand this is a metaphor for love, not passionate emotions. it speaks to the many, many elements and seasons that foster this.
Also, passion has nothing to do with youth. Deep love is possible at any age, and I dare to say, is even of more special significance at a more mature age as one is more insightful, aware and established/independent then. Being vulnerable to surrounder fully to a dyad when older requires a more conscious choice and is a beautiful form a "self-sacrifice" for the greater good of the dyad.
Love on it's own is not the key to a stable, long-term relationship. Love is simply not enough. It is true that at a certain point, love merges from passion and gives meaning to a union, but it is still the immature form love.
Deeper love is however a choice and fuels the longevity to a dyad. It is choosing your partner every day and preserving the nourishing energy necessary to construct a family unit. This may feel like a chore only if the dyad dynamic is off and if values and vision do not align, otherwise it is the ultimate form of purpose and fulfillment.
a remark on this essay I appreciated, made in the Describing Symphonies comments:
"I’ll also add that your article on relationships—“Comfort”—is prob the most substantive yet succinct primer for describing the seasons of love (and in it I think you move through the four types of love according to Aristotle (and since you don’t read philosophers, that’s rather interesting and impressive coincidence). I just read it and it fully resonated with my life and then immediately sent it to my wife and 2 friends. I just recently found you on here but I’m really impressed so far"
link: https://substack.com/@faith777/note/c-103678487
Absolutely loved reading this. The precision and lucidity with which you craft each sentence is so beautiful, it makes it a pleasure to read and resonate with.
(Haha must be wild being in your brain - so many ideas flying around I bet!) oh well, no genius without a bit of fruitful madness eh :)
Anyways, appreciate this lovely essay, thank you 🙏
tyvm for such a sweet, genuine expression. very happy you enjoyed. appreciate you back <3
Great article.
Only thing I’d like to add is the importance of novelty in relationships. There are studies that show that novelty in older relationships do bring that feeling of falling in love in the beginning of relationships. My intuition on why would because it exposes new patterns and novel situations that you may have never experienced with your partner inducing an increase in levels of Phenylethylamine, which is like the love drug that makes feel like your floating. One study that I read in the book The ADHD effect on marriage there were outlier couples that still felt that deep true love decades out in comparison to middling to low feeling couples and my personal opinion on that either they were lying or they were always in a constant of change and growth. I like to believe in the latter than the former. Those couples I feel are your brightest and most colorful which in my opinion is what we all should strive for.
Again great article dude.
thank you, I really appreciate that.
good thoughts, those ADHD comments make sense to me. I'd imagine there'd have to be some kind of neuro-related divergence for constant change/growth to happen.
This is lovely but I hate it and think it is mostly evil. This sounds far too much like being a slave to fleeing emotions rather than a slave to a greater good that provides over your entire life and generations (religion). You mention family, children and growing old which is good but the main point I get from this piece is passion. As a dude I "feel" like 10% passion and 90% obligation and ownership. As you said in your piece passions fade into something softer and deeper as your relationship matures. But the critical part is that joining and growing (family) and being loyal to that expanding good. One thing that makes me sad is that many women in their 30s might be incapable of truly having a deep love because they missed a youthful passion that grows into true love. They think they can "find" that love but perhaps true love is only something you build after 15 years and 3 kids. Love is not something you can find, it must be built. Diads might be good at generating energy but that energy must be directed intelligently.
it's a piece about relationships, so yes passion is a critical component to a healthy one.
how you're extracting "evil" and "slave" out of this essay and descriptions of a natural romantic process underpinning relationships and connections is not something I see. the rest of the comment is good but those opening two lines are thoroughly disorienting.
"slave to your passions" is a common philosophical/religious phrase as is it being evil/sin to follow fleeting emotions versus a longer term greater good
yes and you reading "slave" out of an essay that explicitly says "passion is an important building block and has its place but can't be the whole relationship and must evolve into something deeper" is not the correct application of that phrase.
My comment directly addresses that. Are you going to argue with me that your piece was not 95% passionate emotions and only 5% something deeper beyond that? Even here you're talking about a word that makes you feel bad emotions rather than the deeper point I'm getting it. There are some people who look at are dopamine rage, addicted world and think we need to feel more emotions. Like medgold. I think we need a detox. Whatever dude. All the best
that you read this essay and saw 95% passion is telling; you are seeing exactly what you want to see. no, this essay is not 95% about passion. it's a description about the seasons of relationships. it seems like you latched on to maybe 2-3 paragraphs and decided to see the whole essay as only that.
as the guy who wrote it, that was not at all front of mind nor is passion the emphasis. it's 95% about purpose, frictions, reciprocity, devotion, conditions, caustic dynamics, man needing meaningful struggle, passion, how passion alone is insufficient, romance, endearing idiosyncrasies, responsibility, structure, soulful intimacy, familial foundations, healthy dyads, mutual expression, and the connections that underpin how we perceive the patterns of others. this is not a "do whatever your emotions tell you" message.
it's called Patterns of Comfort; if you internalize the essay you understand this is a metaphor for love, not passionate emotions. it speaks to the many, many elements and seasons that foster this.
Also, passion has nothing to do with youth. Deep love is possible at any age, and I dare to say, is even of more special significance at a more mature age as one is more insightful, aware and established/independent then. Being vulnerable to surrounder fully to a dyad when older requires a more conscious choice and is a beautiful form a "self-sacrifice" for the greater good of the dyad.
Love on it's own is not the key to a stable, long-term relationship. Love is simply not enough. It is true that at a certain point, love merges from passion and gives meaning to a union, but it is still the immature form love.
Deeper love is however a choice and fuels the longevity to a dyad. It is choosing your partner every day and preserving the nourishing energy necessary to construct a family unit. This may feel like a chore only if the dyad dynamic is off and if values and vision do not align, otherwise it is the ultimate form of purpose and fulfillment.
It feels like you know deep down what’s true, but aren’t too keen to accept it yet for whatever reason. I sense internal conflict.
Said with love btw